Things I Think About In Church

Welcome back, guys and girls!

Can I be honest for a sec?

Sooo… here’s the thing! I LOVE going to church but I HATE being forced to go. Anyone else feel this way?

Yes, I’m religious, spiritual, and all that… but forcing someone to go when they don’t feel like results in one of two things.

1. Sit, Stand, Kneel, Repeat
2. Mind wandering to kingdom come.

Just by virtue of writing this post, you’d know I fall into the second category of people. Here are some random things and universal mysteries that I wonder about in church

Things I think about in Church

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Hmm… who’s in church today?

There’s Shayne in the front row… and there’s Janice in the corner…

I bet 200 bucks that Diana will be late again. She’s always “on her way”

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Oooh… I love what that girl is wearing.

Wow! Sarah has a great bag!

I’d kill for Michelle’s boots!

I wonder if they got it online.

*Mental note* – check out that online sale Karen was talking about.

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It’s SOOO hot.

It’s about time we had some A/C in here

Man, those fans are REALLY high up. I wonder how they fixed them up there.

Woah.. look at the amazing painting work on the ceiling! Was Picasso in here?

*looks up for 10 minutes*

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HAHAHAHA Uncle John is fast asleep. Look at his head tilt slowly…

slowwwly…

slooowwwllyyy…

Whoops! He woke up!

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Time for the peace offering!

Do I look to the right first?

Or the left?

I’ll just look forward until someone turns to me.

Maybe I should turn to the back…

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It’s been 25 minutes since I’ve checked my phone

25 minutes!

I’ll sneak a quick peak at it

Just one tweet.

Damn… I left it at home.

________________________________________________________________________________

I wish they had wi-fi in here!

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EUUU That guy just blew his nose.

Ughhh… he has no tissue! Grooooossssss!!

*Mental Note – Do NOT shake his hand.*

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OMG how annoying!!

That baby has been crying for 2 whole minutes. Rocking him to and fro isn’t gonna make him stop, lady!

Some of us need to pray!

TAKE HIM OUT ALREADY!

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Ok. Pay Attention. PAY ATTENTION

No. More. Daydreaming.

Hmm…I wonder how many balloons the church could hold.

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I wish Father would wrap up the sermon already.

He’s just going onnnnn and onnnnn….

I’m going to miss the Game of Thrones re-run on TV, for heaven’s sake!

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St. Joseph – Pray for Us

St. Matthew – Pray for Us

zzz St. John – Way for us

St. Mark – Wafers.

Mmm… wafers…

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If Godzilla burst in here right now, the best way out would be through the second door on the left and through the hallway.

Or maybe crawl beneath the pew and make a dash for the sacristy.

… Actually a big spider would be scarier.

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I can’t wait for breakfast after this.

Should I go for an omlete-ros at restaurant down the road?

Or grab some beef patties on the way home?

Nothing beats poee with butter, though…

Decisions… decisions!

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Ok, I’m done with communion.

Just walk to your seat.

Keep a straight face, now.

Don’t smile.

Don’t wave.

AND DON’T TRIP!

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OMG I LOVE THIS HYMN

Be cool… Be cool…

*Reach for the hymn book… flips through*

What page?

What hymn number?

WHERE IS THE FREAKING HYMN

*end of hymn*

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Next Sunday, I’m sitting in the front so I can focus

And I’ll have breakfast BEFORE coming so I don’t think about food

No looking at the ceiling.

No grumbling about the sermon AND I’ll pay attention to the hymn numbers.

P.S. Mom, if you’re reading – IT’S ALL A LIE, I SWEAR!!!

…

xoxo

Jade